John Yohomal Revisited – Part Two

BabaBy Baba Galleh Jallow

Bla bla bla bla bla. I must tell you that I have a very particular – and a very unique – way of thinking that marks me out as a special person. I am not given to petty talks and unnecessary procedures. I am no easy guy and will deal ruthlessly with anyone who tries to defy me or call me fool or make any funny noises in my presence concerning my infallibility and the uniqueness of my impeccable thought processes. Bla bla bla, I will tell you the amazing story of my life and how I became the greatest man in the world. And don’t even think of contradicting me or sending any funny letters to the press or anywhere else trying to question my authority or the validity of my views. In fact, I hate the so-called press and will not hesitate to close it down whenever I wish or when it tries to get on my iron nerves – and nobody can do a damn thing about it because I am the greatest man in the world and I have all the power and authority in the world to do as I like and say what I like without a hoot of a care in the whole big wide world. So warning before wounded. And if you don’t like me you can go to hell or bla bla bla, I will deal with you. You must be prepared to die. You cannot be a monkey and a lion at the same time.

People say that I was not born a great man and that I was born in a remote village in the jungle and that I have little brains and no education. Such people are hypocrites and parasites. They are thieves and liars, evil monsters who are jealous of my greatness and would never dare to face me and make such stupid utterances. The jealous midgets can only hide under their stinking beds and make evil remarks against my impeccable reputation behind my back. They try to deny that I am chosen by God to be a great man. I fear no one but God. In fact, they are stupid because I am really not of the fighting type and regard confrontation with great fear and trepidation. Sometimes, when I sleep I have nightmares and wake up shouting in the middle of the night feeling really ashamed of myself. But I forbid you, upon pain of death, to recount a single syllable of this secret to my jealous enemies. I am just waiting to get a hold of those jealous midgets or their so-called representatives so I can seal their stinking mouths with red-hot iron and relegate them to the farthest corners of oblivion. Bla bla bla, I will let them know who I am.

I don’t care where I was born or even whether I was born at all. And I don’t give a damn whether I have little or no so-called western education. I don’t need it. So long as I have my power and my mouth, what do I need all that stupid so-called western education for? I say what I like and I get what I like and I have no need for any so-called book learning that will only confuse me and make me live in crowd coco land. And I don’t care whether its crowd coco land or whatever they call it. Do they think that I will let them come here and spoil the party for me? I am having a good time and they think they can come here and have me give them permission to say things that would make me feel bad in the eyes of the people of this country in the name of so-called human rights and so-called rule of law and donkey opposition? As far as I am concerned, the only human rights are my own rights – the rights of John Yohomal. If they think they have any rights here, they should go eat some grass and drink some muddy water. I will deal with anyone who mentions human rights or opposition in this country. No opposition will ever rule this country and no election will ever remove me from power. I will rule this country until 20 million 20 and I will choose who will rule after me. Bla bla bla, if you think I am joking, then come and face me now.

This so-called western ideology they call term limits. What do they mean term limits? Term limits for who and for what? The previous ruler did not have term limits. He ruled this country for one hundred years with no term limit and now you come here and try to tell me about so-called term limits. The white people came here and colonized us and they ruled us for 1000 years and there was no term limits. And now you want to tell me about term limits and other such nonsense like human rights and donkey opposition. There will never be term limits in this country for a million years and if you talk about term limits in this country you must be prepared to die and you will go to hell. They colonized us for one million years without term limits and now they brainwash their stooges to come here and try to tell me about term limits, term limits. I am saying there will be no term limits for a million years and if you don’t like it you can go to hell. I fear no one but God. And if you think I am joking, then come and face me. Bla bla, bla, you will regret that you were born.
I know that some of you are shaking your heads. I can see you right now even if you are hiding behind a wall or under your bed. And you are saying John Yohomal is this and John Yohomal is that. I don’t give a damn. You can shake your head until it flies off but I dare you to shake your mouth at me. Bla bla bla, you will then regret why you were born. Even when I was in school, I saw these jealous fools pretending to be wise and rich and going to England and America and having beautiful cars and living flamboyant lifestyles. And I used to tell them to just wait and see what I will do to them when I become a great man. And when they looked at me they could see that I was not a man to joke with and when we played football I stamped on their feet and sent them limping out of the field. Then the stupid referee would blow his so-called whistle and say it’s foul. What foul? Who cares about foul and rules of non-existent games? My philosophy of life is to hell with all laws, rules and regulations and whatever people think so long as it differs from what I think. So when people say John Yohomal is this or John Yohomal is that, I only ask that they come to me and open their big mouths and try to tell me John Yohomal this and John Yohomal that. Bla, bla, bla, they would then know who John Yohomal is. I will send them all to their rightful places.

I hope you all hear what I tell you. If I tell you that John Yohomal does not joke then John Yohomal does not joke. And I mean that both latarally and mataforically or however the Europeans say it. I am not a European and I do not want to be a European and I don’t care. I will never allow them to colonize us again and I will deal with America, the British imperialists and the so-called European Union if they dare to talk to me about human rights, donkey opposition or so-called term limits. Bla, bla bla, I will deal with any European who dares to set foot in this country and tell me about such stupid nonsense. No term limits for a million years! It’s a mad day.



  1. Good read! Thank you again Baba

  2. Hahahaha ! Perhaps it’s always funny until someone get hurt, then it becomes hilarious.

    I too love Baba, What an amazing writer ! i believe one of the things that binds us as family strugling for one common objective is shared sense of humor.

    John Yohomal is not afraid of anyone, he just don’t want to be there when they knok his door.

    Thankx Baba.

  3. Really funny……………This is proof that John Yohomal has never taken his medications at all. He is really mad, isn’t it?